Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
