i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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