my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
