hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
