They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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