I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
