im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
