I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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