Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
