Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
