the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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