I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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