He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
