I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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