thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
