upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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