I'm drive I can fine osifer
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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