just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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