Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
