conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
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