this beer tastes like vomit already
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Did I show you my penis last night?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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