I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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