no, he came in my armpit
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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