I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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