I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
