Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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