Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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