I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize