He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
