Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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