if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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