My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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