i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
