I wanna bring you to show and tell
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
