I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
