New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
did i just pee glitter
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
