That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
