he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
This toilet bowl is my home.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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