Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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