My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize