Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
