did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Randomize
