I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
