you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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