A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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