there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
