You made me cry and you don't even care
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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