I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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