matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
