It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
