he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
honey bunches of taint.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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