Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
