If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Barsexuality is the new black.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
