so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
