I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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