Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
do herpes really smell.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
