Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
