Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
that may or may not have been my penis.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
