me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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