I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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