So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
