3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
