I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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