New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
