For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
