Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Randomize
