I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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