You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
