Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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