Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
