i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Houston, we have a squirter
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
