he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
