Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
